Hotel Rule #9: I know you love your pets and I’m willing to talk with you about them for a couple minutes if it makes you feel good. However, twenty minutes of talking about how smart and sly your cat is becomes too much. I have work to do and I just don’t give a damn. Sorry.

Hotel Rule #7: Just because you are an in house guest does not mean you get to cut the line. You must wait just like everybody else. Get over yourself.

Hotel Rule #8: Just because you know the manager at the other Hampton Inn and they give you a special rate doesn’t mean I give a damn. They may kiss your ass but I don’t like the taste.

Walk to desk from back office area. Guest is standing with daughter.

Guest: I’d like to charge these to my room.

Me: What room?

Guest: 131

Me: Not a problem

Guest: Wow, there’s always a different person here, each shift there’s a different person

…Generally, yeah, different people work different shifts that is why they are different shits and not the same shift. Really?!?

Guest enters from outside after smoking a cigarette.

Guest: Are you expecting snow?

Me: I believe we’re getting snow on Monday.

Guest: Oh, because it’s snowing right now.

….Sir, I just want to point out that you already knew the answer to your question. Don’t believe your teacher. There really are stupid questions.

Hotel Rule #6: Don’t call me Sweetie, Baby, Hunny, etc. unless you want to pay top dollar for your room. I am not your girlfriend. I have never met you. Have some respect.

Hotel Rule #4: Don’t bother to be ashamed of your porn. I’ve seen sky high movie bills on one night stays. I know all the dirty and hysterical names. Just own up to it. No fear.

Hotel Rule #5: A follow up to rule #4, don’t call me and lie about the quality of your movie so you can get it for free. Before I comp you anything I will call the movie service company and the technician will tell me what you are watching and for how long. So unless you want me to know the name of the porno and that you watched it for 27 minutes before calling me just man up and pay for it.

Hotel Rule #3: Yelling will not get you anywhere. Yell at me and I will do just enough to calm you down and resolve the situation. If you’re nice and calm when presenting me with a problem I will bend over backwards.

Hotel Rule #2: I’m not lying. I promise. If I tell you I can’t do something or if the hotel does not have something. I am telling the truth. So please don’t whine and don’t keep asking. The answer won’t change. I’m not a magician.